The WonderFab Summer Confessions
by Siriuslyfun19212
Summary: Georgia, in all of her fabby brilliance, takes the summer to new extremes. She tries to become a Catholic nun, goes on a birdy massacre, gets kidnapped and forced to eat cheese by the ton, and attempts to woo boys in religiously. Fabtaciously hilarious!
1. Nun Affiliation

Author Notes: There's not much to say, really, so I'll keep it short. This is a chaptered fic that will run over the course of the summer. Perhaps, after the summer is over, I will start a school fic. (And by summer, I mean my summer right now, which runs until August 5th.)

Please review at the end!

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The WonderFab Summer Confessions

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_June 7th, 12:46 am  
Sink of Blood and Doom and such_

Note to self: Never feed Angus dry tuna sprinkled with graham crackers, he _might_ just eat your hand off.

Of course, I imagine he liked my little kitty feast I prepared for him—he better, it took me a long time. (Seven minutes I will never get back.) And so here I am, washing off a sickly mixture of Scottish wildcat spit and Georgia blood off of my hand. Angy has got some pincers.

Vati has just come in.

He laughed a bit. "You look like you just stuck your hand down a meat grinder!"

Thanks lots.

Then he told me to get to bed.

I think we should invest in training for Angus. It wouldn't work, but atleast I'd get a good laugh and Angus wouldn't be here to terrorize us too much. I'll pop the idea to the fam tomorrow morning, but I doubt the mad kluxes will go for it.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: Eunieu…! No, Georgia, it costs money, and it all goes to my alternative lifestyle… er. Cooking.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Mutti: What's that?

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of… er, Georgia: Eunieu?

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: It's a word in Sweden.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Georgia: We don't live in Sweden, my dearest Vati. Perhaps you should invest all of your alternative lifestyle money in a world atlas or geography class.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: Shut it, you.

I feel so loved in this house.

Well, I've gotten most of the green color to go away, so I think I'll go to sleep.

Oh, yuck.

Angus has just barfed up my kitty treat. Pleasant.

Oh, well. I'll leave it out. Perhaps Vati will slip in it tomorrow morning.

----

_8:00 am  
Bedroom of Boredom_

Triumph, my liege!

I can hear the terrorized screams as I awake from my doleful slumber.

Vati has stepped into the Mixture of Angus and is barking up a riot. He tried throwing Angus out of the window, but somehow, Vati is in Mr. and Mrs. Next Door's birdy fountain. It's quite hilarious, actually. Angus is playing with his shoes in the garden.

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_8:11 am  
Kitchen of Mixture of Angus_

"Morning, my exotic mother…"

"What do you want, Georgia?"  
"Love."

"Too bad."

"I see how it is. Perhaps I'll go down to an orphanage and put myself up for adoption."

"No one will adopt you; your elbows are too sticky-outy."

I'm just going to go kill myself, now.

----

_8:14 am_

Vati plowed through the kitchen as if all of his aprons were on fire and the speed of his large legs could save them. I doubt it. The aprons probably lit themselves.

"Georgia, control that bloody cat."

"That would _never_ work, Vati-wati, you know that."  
"Then he will just have to go."  
I laughed. "Good luck with that, Da."

I went upstairs to get dressed. I passed Libby. She had Angus in her shirt and Vati's shoes tied to her head.

And _I'm_ the one who won't get adopted? I digress.

----

_9:12 am_

I called Jas.

"Jas speaking."

"Jas, my old friend!"  
"What do you want, Georgia?"

"Well, I can clearly see my love and affection are not wasted on you."  
She didn't reply, so I just kept on going.

"I think we should do something tonight."

"I'm going out with Tom, tonight."  
_Looking at more vegetables?_ I wanted to say, but I couldn't, then she'd never go out.

"Oh, that sounds… interesting. What are you doing with him?"

That seemed invitation for the Talking Olympics. She never shut up. They were going to a forest. They were going to watch birds. She was probably going to wear some _excitingly_ large knickers and bottoms that went up to her neck. He would wear the same.

"…And Tom says that if we're lucky, we might see the rare—"

"That's wonderful. Blow him off."  
She was appalled by _that_ idea. "Georgia! I have been planning this education trip through nature for weeks! Just because you were excited on a whim to go and be a nun or something does not mean I have to drop what I'm doing so I can entertain you—"

"You've given me a great idea."

"What?"

"I'll be a nun."  
"What?"  
Honestly, it's like I'm speaking with a parrot. An annoying parrot.

"Jas, I'm afraid I can't talk with you any longer. You are not of the nunnage appreciation and breed, and it's bad for my skin."

"How can that be bad for you skin?! And you aren't even a real nun—"

"Goodbye, non-believer."

I hung up on her.

----

_10:11 am_

So, here I am, walking through a pub with proper nun attire on. I hope I look the part, it took some hard work. I had to make sure Mutti and Vati never noticed me rifling through their wardrobe—they would never approve of My Calling.

I thought I'd be funny by walking up to the bar and asking for a drink. He looked at me ruefully.

Then he poured me a Bloody Mary.

"Really?" I asked unbelievingly. He laughed to himself and walked off.

So, here I am, a nun, drinking.

I'm going to hell.

----

_10:47 am_

All is right with the world, once more! I've had a few more drinks, and I feel fine. I spilled a bit on my clothes, but nothing a little Baby Jesus cannot fix.

A woman came over.

"Excuse me, sister—"She called me sister! "Are you _feeling alright_?" the woman asked me. She tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms.

"Oh, I'm doing wonderful, _sister_! You know, these Bloody Mary's do a wonder for your _brain_! I can see a polar bear over in that corner!" I replied. I giggled a bit.

This only seemed to fuel her concern and whatnot for me. She sighed and grabbed me like she was going to hug me. "Come to my home, I'll fix you up a cheese bowl."  
"Oh, that's _quite_ alright, I'm fine—" I protested to no avail.  
"Nonsense! Everyone likes cheese bowls!" Somehow I was now laying bridal style in her arms. Tasteful. "Oy, Gwendolyn! Help me pick this woman up, she isn't light!"

_Pardon me?!_

A girl with ridiculous blonde braids came over, sipping some awful green liquid. "Mother?" she asked uninterestingly.

"The nun seems a bit sick," she told Gwendolyn.

"The nun seems a bit _drunk_ to me."

"Oh, Gwennie darling daughter dearest, don't be so harsh. Let's get her to the car so she can try my wonderful cheese bowl."

'Gwennie' gave her mother a look I couldn't quite describe—like she knew her mother was up to something. "Really, mother? Cheese bowls on the nun? Enough is enough."

"It isn't over until I say it's over!" she bit back. She nearly dropped me.

"Whatever you say," Gwendolyn grunted.

_----_

_11:15 am  
My Death Car_

Oh, my giddy goshing aunt.

I'm in a car with Lady Cheese Bowl and her annoying daughter Gwendolyn. They've lied me across the back seat, under the impression that I'm too drunk to understand what they're saying.

I am truly in trouble.

I blame Jas. This would have never happened if she'd just come along with me.

I hear them speaking. In whispers.

"Mother, be honest with yourself—the nun is _not_ going to take your cheese bowls to the priest or rabbi or whoever and say, 'Blimey, this cheese bowl is good! It's a shame you didn't want them for your Annual Church Picnic!'" Gwendolyn told her mum in exasperated terms.

"She might. She's a 'frequent drinker', and _those_ people are unpredictable."

"Nice, mother. She might hear you."

"Oh, she's knocked out cold."

Poo.

Poo poo poo poo poo.

Double thrice poo.

Cheese bowls?

I am going to die today.

----

_11:58 am  
My Death House_

These people are not kidding when they tell you they're going to feed you cheese bowls. I didn't even know there _were_ this many types of cheese. It's a shame I'm not allergic.

All I can tell is that they live in the woods. Who would want to live in the woods? No wonder they drink so much. It's too bloody noisy—birds are everyone, chirping like Shamoo.

Shamoo chirps, right? Correct?

Well, he does now.

Gwendolyn, of course, is no help. She's leaning against a door frame, laughing her bones off. I must end her.

----

_12:31 pm_

Too. Much. Cheese.

I do actually believe that cheese is all this family eats. That's probably why the husband isn't here. He didn't like cheese, and so—the wife killed him.

Oh, gosh.

I'm going to be killed.

"Oh, yes, I _love_ these cheese bowls."

----

_12:47 pm_

They've finally left. Gwendolyn went to get ready for something—who knows, what—and the mother—I can't keep calling her that, her new name is Bill—has gone to the loo.

My chance to escape has met me.

----

_1:12 pm  
Woods_

I hate the woods.

I think I've contracted something from a bumble bee.

Probably herpes.

Ewwwwers.

----

_1:40 pm_

As luck would have it, I found Jas and Tom!

Bird watching, but still, they're technically alive.

Tom laughed himself silly for a bit before asking, "Georgia, why are you dressed like a nun?"

So I told him the awful, horrible truth. "Well, Jas didn't want to do anything, but she told me to dress up like a nun, right?"

Jas glared. Tom nodded.

"So I dress up like a nun, go to this pub, get a bit drunk, and then this woman and her nasty daughter come up, kidnap me, take me to their home, and make me eat twelve thousand cheese bowls. So I escaped, right? And now here I am.

Even Jas had to laugh and my misfortune. I bopped her on the nose like a disobedient dog.

----

_4:18 pm_

Jas and Tom were nice enough to drop me off on their way home. Jas seemed a bit disgruntled by it, but Tom was happy enough. He's always happy. Kind of sad, really.

As I walked into the house, Angus promptly attacked me and started swatting at my mouth. He couldn't smell the cheese, could he?  
No, of course not.

That's silly.

----

_4:20 pm_

I have made Angus a cheese bowl.

----

_4:21 pm_

Vati seems oddly interested in me for some reason.

"Why are dressed like a nun?"

"The evening was coming along too blandly, father."

"And you smell horrible—I'm trying to decide if you've been _drinking_ or if you've just eaten an ocean full of cheese!"

_Both, perhaps?_

"Oh, Vati, you amuse me so! Cheese, of course."

This satisfied him. He laughed at me a bit more and said, "Who would give _you_ a drink? You're too scrawny to even look like you're living!"  
I hate my family.

----

_8:36 pm  
Bedroom_

Well, I smell like a decent, normal human being, now. That makes me feel good.

I was more than a bit surprised when I found that no one had pooed in my bedroom. I did find the severed remains of Vati's torn up shoes, compliments of Angus and Libby, but I tossed those.

Perhaps I'll go to bed early. It's been a long day.

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_11:14 pm_

Bloody Riley and his stupid corkscrew!

Angus is tangled up in my hair!

Bullocks.

Thus falls Georgia.


	2. Harold Hurinati

Author Notes: Chapter two in the WonderFab Summer Confessions! I must say-- I am quite disappointed to have gotten only one review for chapter one (Thank you, SnoglessinBranson), but I'm going to blame that on the fact that this category has very little attention.  
There is already a sequel planned out. I know what needs to happen at the end of this story for the sequel to work and what will happen in the sequel. Although-- if I don't have many reviewers, who knows how long _this_ story will live.  
Please review!!

(Updated: June 11th, 2007. 2:52 am)  


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The WonderFab Summer Confessions

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_June 10__th__, 2:34 pm_

_Living room, Mutti and Vati free_

I went to morning church earlier. Father Wibble seemed awfully surprised I was a nun. I asked him why, and he just told me what my background and accreditation was.

"Father Wibble," I told him. "I don't need accreditation to be a nun. That would be silly."

And after that, he gave me an awkward sort of smile and told me that I should sit down and wait for his sisters to come out and introduce themselves.

And so the nuns came out in their flaming black garments and hats.

"So, Father Wibble tells us you wish to be a nun?" an older looking woman said.

"No, I am a nun," I told her.

"Oh… er… yes, I suppose you're right," a bland-looking woman told me.

"Of course I am," I replied.

"Well—if you wish to become an _official _nun, by the church, then you'll need to… er… past a test, of sorts."

Right then I knew I had chosen the wrong profession. I'm horrible at tests.

"What kind of tests?" I asked warily.

"Well—well, you're not married, are you?"

"Of course not! I'm only—of course not." Oops. Almost slipped on the age. That wouldn't be good.

"Alright—now, what do you want to do?"  
"I want to be a nun."  
She looked flustered. "Yes, yes—as a nun, what do you want to do?"

Another woman spoke up, "There's everything from teaching, counseling, beekeeping,--"

"Beekeeping?"

"Yes."  
I chuckled.

"Like an innkeeper, only of bees?"

Her cheeks were turning red. It was quite amusing, actually, seeing the nun get all embarrassed about her bees. "Well—yes."  
"So I could build them up some little bee mega-plexes if I wanted to? Like a hotel?"

"Oh—er—yes, I suppose—"

"I want to be a beekeeper."

And so my life is set out before me.

They gave me the number of a—a vocation director, I think it was—and I am to call it to find out what else I must do.

Life is not so bland anymore!

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_2:47 pm_

Now that I think about it, though—why exactly did Mutti have a nun costume in her knickers compartment?

Oh, god.

----

_2:48 pm_

And Vati probably houses a priest's collar in _his_ drawers.

Shut up, brain, shut up!

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_3:12_ _pm_

I phoned Jas and forced her to come to a club with be tonight.

"Fine, Georgia, but I will burn your legs off if you come in that ridiculous nun outfit."

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_3:13 pm_

Now I don't know what to wear.

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_3:11 pm _

Mutti came in.

"Is that my—never mind."

May Baby Jesus frown upon her and Vati.

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_4:17 pm_

Jas came over.

"Oh, good—I just wanted to make sure you dressed appropriately for a teenage girl."

"Jas, I always dress appropriately for a teenage girl."  
She huffed at me. "Well, sometimes you can be a bit extravagant."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

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_4:19 pm_

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO DRESS UP LIKE A NUN!"

"I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! IT WAS _SARCASM_!"

"WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE POINTED THAT OUT TO ME!"

"GEORGIA, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!"

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_4:20 pm_

"I'll wait downstairs."

"That's probably for the best."

----

_6:18 pm_

I made Vati drive us to the club. He asked if we needed a ride home.

"Possibly, Mr. Nicolson—"  
"No, Vati. Go away, now."

Vati gave me a disgusting look and drove off.

"Georgia, that wasn't very nice, you know."  
I sighed. "Somehow, I think I'll get over it. He doesn't _intentionally_ do a bad job at parenting, it just sort of… happens."

She looked at me incredulously and stomped off.

"Wait, wait, Jas! What did I say?"

But Mrs. Huffy Knickers had already pranced through the coconut-lined doors.

----

_6:19 pm_

Coconut-lined doors?

----

_6:20 pm_

Oh, gosh.

It's luau themed.

Poo thrice times a quarter of a million.

----

_6:22 pm_

I found Jas.

"Jas, we've got to get out of here."

"Why? It's so… cozy in here."  
"We aren't Hawaiian, Jas."  
"Let's pretend!"  
Wonderful.

Jas has turned kinky on me.

----

_6:23 pm_

Ewwers.  
Bad mental image.

----

_6:24 pm_

Of course, Tom showed up, sporting a fruit hat. He brought one for Jas and I, as well.

"Oh, _thank you_ so much, Tom, for your kindness," I told him politely(ish).

"It's no problem, Georgia. You're like family, now." He smiled foolishly.

I'm family now? Fruit-family?

But I haven't spoken to Guitar Robbie in ages. Perhaps he's died.

No, Tom would be crying.

I put my fruit hat on.

----

_7:47 pm_

I met a groovy boy named Harold. He was all smooth except for his name.

"Hello, there," he said attractively.

"Hi!" I replied attractively (not).

He snaked his arms around my waist.

"Why not you and I go up to the VIP room?"

I gasped (for effect). "You can get us up there?"

"I'm Harold Hurinati, I can go anywhere I want."

----

_7:49 pm_

In VIP room with Harold Hurinati.

He's vary posh. He's got furry boy-knickers on. (Ick, but they look alright.)

"So, why don't you introduce yourself?" he asked me.

"Well, I'm Georgia Nicolson, my fam is quite crazy, I once shaved off my eyebrows, I'm a part time nun/part time Buddhist worshipper/part time Baby Jesus bow-downer, my little sister likes to poo everywhere—oh." _Shut up, mouth, shut up!_

_Shut the bloody pigeon up!_

He laughed nicely. His eyes glowed in the dimmed lights. "That's quite alright—I've got a little brother who thinks he's George of the Jungle. He runs around with no clothes on."

It's kismet.

I smiled at him. He smiled back.

----

_8:21 pm_

Started dancing with Harold Hurinati. He's got 'fly moves'.

Scratch that, that sounded ridiculous.

----

_8:22 pm_

He's asked for my phone number!  
"You're the love of my life," he whispered.

_Swoon_.

----

_8:23 pm_

Does that make me flimsy if I like him this much?

----

_8:24 pm_

Oh, dear.

This mingles horribly with my Plans of Nun-nation.

----

_9:54 pm_

Harold has offered me a ride home. I was about to ask Jas if she needed one, but then I saw Tom.

I jigged over to her. "Jassy-wassy, I'm leaving with Harold. Have you got a ride home?"

She smiled at me. "Thank you for asking, Georgia. I've got a ride with Tom." They rubbed their noses together on that one.

Ooer. With fruit hats on, no less.

I looked up and vaguely remembered I was still wearing mine.

I cursed and walked back over to Harold. "Shall we?"

----

_9:55 pm_

Amazing! Harold has got a limousine. It's beautiful. It's magnificent. It's wonderful.

Harold's father was inside, as was Harold's little brother.

"Father, Chutney,--" Chutney? "—This is Georgia. I shall escort her home this evening."

"Fine, fine," said the father. He pulled a large bottle out of the refrigerator. "Mineral water, Georgia? It's from Italy."

"You've got fruities on your head!" Chutney told me. I bit back a witty remark. (It would have been witty to me.)

"Aw, yes. Did Harold not tell you? My mother was an apple tree and my father was a pineapple tree. This is the beginning of my transformation." Hahahahahahahahahahahaha and HA.

How's THAT for intelligent?

He giggled.

"Where do you live, my sweet?" Harold asked me. I grinned up at him (unattractively) and answered.

"Splendid!" He knocked on the window separating the passenger compartment and the driver's compartment and related my words to the chauffer. Isn't that spectacularly groovy? I'm in a _limousine_ with a _chauffer_!

----

_10:01 pm_

Mutti came out of her room as soon as I stepped into the house. She was wearing an atrocious looking vinyl nightey, and I for one could not stand the sight of her flow-y and mad bosom. She was unperturbed.

"Who was that?" she asked eagerly.

"Harold, Mutti. Go back to bed."

"Is he nice?"

"Well—"

And then I spent the next fifteen minutes bragging the bologna out of a Swiss Ham.

Wow, that was odd.

Mutti sighed as I finished my story. "You've caught yourself a good one. Night."

And she left.

----

_11:46 pm_

Life is on the valiant side as of late. I am happy. : )

----

_11:51 pm_

Libby has come into my bed in the nuddy pants. For some reason, her legs are _covered_ in pink paint.

I will not venture so far as to ask why.


	3. The Lion's Den

Author Notes:  
I apologize that it took around a week for this chapter to come up. I'm trying to keep them up in a quick succession, but I was away at camp from Monday until Friday. When I got back, there was terrible news waiting for me. There was a family disaster, you could say, on Wednesday, and I'm depressed. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it.  
The dates of the journal entries are supposed to be the days that I write this. I wrote a bit in the AMs of Monday the 11th, a little bit on Friday the 15th, and the most of it on the 16th-- today-- so the journal entries took place on the 16th.  
A large portion of this chapter is filler but, as odd as it may seem, there is also some that is important to the storyline and it's impending sequel.  
Also-- there is a quote from a book/movie hidden in this chapter. If you can tell me the quote and where/what it's from, you'll get-- well, I don't know. Recognition or something. Oh, I know! The first one to tell me what it's from will get a story written by me for them. It can be about anything from any of the three categories I shall list: Harry Potter, Confessions of Georgia Nicolson, or Twilight.  
Please review at the end.

(Updated: June 16th, 2007. 9:58 pm)

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The WonderFab Summer Confessions

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_June 16__th__, 2007 _

_11:14 am_

I called the vocation director (finally). Had a lovely chat with him. Not.

"Do you realize that this is a full-time career?" he asked, a think American accent making me take the phone away from my ears.

"Do you realize that we live in England?"  
"What?"  
"Nothing."

"Being a nun of the Catholic church requires a lot of responsibility and dedication. From what the sisters have told me, you really have no idea what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing. If I didn't know what I was doing I wouldn't be doing it, now, would I?"

I seemed to have got him for a moment—he was silent, and I rejoiced in my fabby-tab success. Then—

"I think you should be committed."  
What?? What??

"Well, I think _you_ don't know what _you're_ doing, Mr. Big and Tall Priest man. _You_ should be committed." I really had no idea where I was going with this. It flowed nicely, however, even when I slapped myself on the forehead later.

"Ms. Nicolson, I think that our conversation is over, now. May the Lord be with you."

And he hung up on me.

Fanks.

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_11:17 am_

_Refrigerator Land_

I decided to make my own style of food. I'm rather excited at the prospect.

----

_11:19 am_

Who would have guessed that graham cracker, pineapple, lime extract, and tomato salad make a _horrible_ tasting blended drink?

----

_11:20 am_

BLENDER OUT OF CONTROL.

----

_11:21 am_

Oh, gosh and giddy sweet melons.

I think I broke the ceiling.

Or the roof.

Or something.

----

_11:22 am_

Officially covered in GraCra-PiLiEx-ToSa.

----

_11:23 am_

I didn't know Vati could turn that shade of green.

And purple.

And blue.

And red.

And—oh, he's a rainbow, now.

----

_11:24 am_

"Now, Rainbow Vati, I know this looks bad, but—"

----

_11:25 am_

"—Yeah, you're right. It _is_ as bad as it looks."

----

_11:35 am_

In the midst of cleaning up the GraCra-PiLiEx-ToSa, the doorbell has rung.

----

_11:36 am_

Oh, poo.

It's my darling Harold.

And I'm covered in… whatever it was that I made.

"Harold--! Why—why, you're here, aren't you?"

_Stupid, stupid question! Of _course_ he's here! He's standing right in front of me!_

Stupid Georgia.

I attempted to make up for it by flicking my hair attractively, but that only succeeded in sending a little bit something egg-looking onto his face. He laughed humorously, as did I (not.)

Then I noticed Chutney.

In the nuddy-pants, full throttle.

Well, except for the tiny tea-cozy around his waist. And his hair looked quite mad, to be honest.

Harold had seen where my eyes led and I could tell that he was a bit embarrassed. _Finally!_ I thought. _Finally, HE'S the one with the embarrassingociousness! _

"I'm sorry," he said gruffly, before mussing up Chutney's hair. "He wouldn't leave the house without it."

"Well, let's be grateful that he wore _something_, at least," I said before I could help myself.

Bah! Welcome to Poo-Land.

I am the mayor.

He laughed again. "Well, anyway, I was going to see if you would like to come with me to the zoo—Chutney wanted to go, and so—I thought—'Why not ask that fabulous girl Georgia that I met last night?' I figured it would be alright—is it? Me just barging in like this?"

_Oh, you can barge in any time you want to._

"Well—oh, well—" I looked down at my clothes. I looked like I just stepped off the Tomato-Nator. And vomited in the process. "It would be fine—I'm just—well—" I blushed. Stupid face. I motioned to my clothes. "I tried to be foodily creative."

Note to self: Never try to make food again. Ever.

Like, seriously, ever. Never again. Bad stuff happens when I do.

He laughed. "I'll wait, then, if you'd like."  
I stood still for a moment, before racing upstairs in a frenzy. "I'll only be five minutes, I promise!"

----

_12:14 pm_

Black eyeliner of brown eyeliner?

----

_12:29 pm_

I went with the brown. It accentuatizes my hair.

----

_12:41 pm_

I came downstairs gracefully. (Not.)

After Harold picked me up off the floor, he said, "A new definition of ten minutes, I presume?"

Hahahahahahahaha.

I almost died laughing.

Not.

----

_1:01 pm_

The zoo really isn't as bad as it looks. There's wildlife galore swimming around in their cages, eating grass. I wonder if that's good for your complexion…?

I asked Harold. "Why are all of the animals eating grass? Is it good for their skin, or something?"  
He laughed at me again. "That's what zebras eat, Georgia."  
Why?

"Why?"

He paused for a second. "You're right, it's good for their skin."  
I've got to remember to try that out when I get home.

----

_1:12 pm_

The lion's den looks to have a lot of grass.

----

_1:15 pm_

Crapola.

Somehow, I have managed to get myself locked in the lion's den.

Poo poo poo poo POO.

----

_1:16 pm_

Harold: Georgia, please don't move! You've got to relax! If you don't, they'll only kill you faster!

Me: Kill me faster? Oh, now I can relax!

Chutney: Don't worry, Georgia, I'll save you! I am GEORGE of the JUNGLE!

Harold: Chutney, don't.

----

_1:17 pm_

Oh, goodlier great aunt.

There's a crowd.

----

_1:18 pm_

The lion tamer has come out.

With a chair.

I have to wonder….

----

_1:24 pm_

So, the lion tamer came in, all calm and Texas-ly. He said in a thick accent, "Now, miss, you're gonna haff ter ruhlax."

"Why does everybody keep telling me that?" I asked. He didn't answer.

"Trah and not ter tahk. The lohns may attack if yuh do."

Then he got on his chair and danced.

What fresh hell?

The lions seemed intrigued enough. Their attention broke off of me (for a miniscule momentary second) and wandered over to Saint Texas over in the corner. He freaked out and jumped down and ran off. He clearly did not expect the lions to react like that. I wondered briefly, before the lion's attention was brought back to me, if the lions had ever had a little human toy before.

"Hey!" I called after him. He didn't hear me (or at least didn't care).

Poo. Again.

----

_1:34 pm_

I feel like some sort of miracle-worker. Or at least very, very talented to the Moses Multiple of 100 billion.

After the "lion tamer" (AKA Saint Texas) left, everyone, including me, stood there in a sort of stunned silence for a moment. Then I went for the chair and danced atop of it, too.

The lions came toward me. I started panicking LOTS.

"Er… lions, hear me out!" I called to them. They stopped. Ooh! Did not expect that!

"Alright, then…" I said. "Okay. Lions—my friends!—back away, slowly." And they did. "You do not wish to eat me, do you, lions?" I could have sworn I saw one shake it's head 'no'. "Okay, then. Well, that's settled—lions—go away."

And they ran off.

Thank you, Baby Jesus.

----

_1:58 pm_

After speaking tremendously with various people about my wonderfab capabilities of calming lions—and also a couple of circus staff denials—Harold and I—and Chutney—are in his limousine on the way home.

"You never told me how good you are with animals," he said.

I laughed nervously.

----

_2:13 pm_

"And then the lions backed away from me! It was like I had complete power over them!"  
Vati laughed and walked away.

----

_6:43 pm_

The news is on.

And they are featuring a story on me!

I hid in the shadows for a moment, relishing on the look Vati had over his large face.

"…Okay, then. Well, that's settled—lions—go away."

I chuckled to myself before walking off.

----

_6:44 pm_

"GEORGIA NICOLSON, WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN A LION'S DEN?!" the Vati-Nator called.

Of course, the sheer fact of my escape meant nothing to them.

----

_6:58 pm_

After a heft yelling-to from Vati, I have decided to go to sleep early. It's been a long day.

----

_11:16 pm _

Woke up from a nightmare of lions eating yellow and black pimples off of my face.

Great.

Foreshadowing.


End file.
